A Social Deviant

That escalated quickly

Mon, 20 May 2013 15:01:30 -0500

Oh what a week I have had. The Hubbs took off on a week long road trip to visit friends and family, while I stayed home and worked. I got to spend some fun time with Critic.I ended up getting bitten by fire ants, and learning that I am seriously allergic to them, then my period started a few days early, so mostly we just watched movies.

The Hubbs however had a much more eventful trip. One of his stops was to reconnect with a friend that he recently found out is in a similar relationship to us. They have been text flirting for about a month since they last saw each other. The last visit was when they both disclosed relationship statuses, but she (we will call her Greenie) and her husband have a veto rule in place so she couldn’t sleep with Hubbs until her guy was ok with it. However, he didn’t get the chance to meet Hubbs on the last trip due to illness. This time they met, he got the thumbs up, and a fun time was had.

He called me to tell me he was on the road yesterday and that he wanted to talk about his weekend, but wanted to do it in person. I didn’t think much of it, mostly because I didn’t want to be on the phone at the time. When he got home we sat and talked and he told me he is in love, and so is she. I was actually a bit shocked, it seems really fast for that. Then I went through a little bit of serious doubt and questioned what that meant for us. I figured one of us might fall in love with someone else, but I definitely wasn’t expecting it so soon.

We have talked a bunch since he got home last night now, and I’m feeling much more calm and less self-doubty. i was initially worried that this was going to mean he wanted to leave me for her, but that isn’t the case at all. I’m really excited that he has found someone, since his last relationship was very short lived.

Well that was fun

Tue, 07 May 2013 14:07:51 -0500

I got to have a few days away this past weekend. I ran away to the big city with big plans to hang with friends, eat big dinners, go to a play, get laid at least once, and soak in an awesomely large bath tub. It all almost worked out great too. I got to my hotel, check in, strip down, start running the water in my whirlpool tub (amusingly in the same room as the bed and TV), and water starts leaking out of one of the knobs. I had to get dressed so the hotel people could come look at the tub, which basically consisted of them turning on the water and saying “yup, that is leaking.” They said they would see if they could find me a new room, or they would discount my stay, I ended up with the discount. So I stripped again and climbed into the leaky knob tub. I had a delightful soak while watching The Brady Bunch because that is just how I roll. I got dressed again and went to meet up with a coworker who was doing some clothes shopping and dinner, it was a nice time, but then I was eager to get back to the hotel because AW was coming over. We had talked about going to shoot pool, which we have done once before, but usually end up staying in now, so I had to laugh a little when he brought his cue with him. We had a very delightful time enjoying the large bed, then we had a soak in the tub before he had to go home.

The next day I got up and started to run some errands before meeting a friend for lunch. Food sucks where I live, so good restaurants are a constant indulgence when I leave town. Later in the afternoon I headed to the park to read and get a good seat for the play I was there to see as well. AW and his family joined me and we had a nice time before some members decided they wanted to call it a night early. I drove the rest of the crew AW’s place and got to crash in the new guest room there. It was fantastic.

The following morning I got up to run some more errands before hitting the road home. It was a great weekend and, as always, I can’t wait to get some more time with AW, though I don’t know exactly when I will get the chance. Next on the list is a week without Hubbs. He is off on a road trip to visit friends, family, and his new play partner and I get a whole week to myself because of it. I say to myself, but I already have plans with Critic, so I’ll be plenty occupied.

I’ve been wondering when I would hit a comfortable place with the being involved with other people and I think I am there. I really like having someone out of town to go and visit, but I like having someone in town as well. As long as everyone is content, I think this is going to be great for a while.

Ooooops

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 10:40:24 -0500

Well I flubbed that up a little bit. Yesterday I was making plans to see AW for next weekend and I got the worst feeling that I hadn’t told Critic that I’m kind of involved with someone else. Last night I couldn’t find a way to ask other than bluntly, so I did and it turns out the feeling was right, I hadn’t told him. I feel like I have messed up even though he says he is fine. I feel like I lied, even if it is lie by omission, and not even intentional. I feel better that it is out there, but now I have a new conundrum; AW doesn’t know about Critic.

AW and I have a really casual thing going on; we see each other about once a month, and usually it isn’t for alone time. Last time I got to spend some adult time with him was New Year’s eve. I have seen him multiple times since then, but it has been in group setting. He and I rarely talk unless we are planning on meeting up so I just don’t know what the expected level of disclosure it. I’m pretty sure he has seen other people since we started hooking up, but it isn’t something we talk about. Ug, so not sure what to do next. Any suggestions?

What a weekend

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 09:41:04 -0500

I got to spend Friday evening and Sunday afternoon with Critic and then had to take a day to recover. He knows how to play me like a piano and gets quite the response every single time. I get to go over again later this week, and I’m really looking forward to it.

The only hiccup to the whole thing was that Saturday I went to a friend’s place to watch a movie, said friend and critic have met, but the friend doesn’t know about the relationship style Hubbs and I have. Critic is moving to the same area as the friend, and in their last conversation he told the friend specifically where. The friend was able to point out Critic’s soon to be residence, from the friend’s balcony. I’ve told Critic and Hubbs about this, it looks like I’m going to have to have a conversation with the friend so she doesn’t get the wrong idea.

In other exciting news, Hubbs might have his own new thing starting up. He was out of town at a work thing and hanging with a long time work friend, we will call her Granola. They were having a hypothetical conversation until it turned out that both are in open marriages. Evidently there was some serious making out at that point, but that was all as her rules dictate that there has to be discussion with her hubbs before things go physically further. They didn’t get to go that far due to some issue on her end, but I think things are looking good for future fun for them. I’m really excited for Hubbs, he has needed this for a while now.

And we have contact

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 12:00:38 -0500

Oh I had so much fun with Critic last night! I went over to his place a little after work and he greeted me with a big kiss which was very nice. We proceeded to sit on the couch, listen to music, and chat for probably an hour or so. I leaned in and kissed him and things progressed quickly from there. It had been a while since he had been with anyone, but I very much enjoyed myself, 4 times actually.

I had told him before that I usually can’t get off without the aid of my favorite toy. Mostly I told him because I feel bad when a guy gets discouraged that he can’t get me off, but it isn’t their fault, it is totally me. Critic took it to the next step, he bought a Hitachi. I have thought about getting one before, but am always apprehensive about spending that much on something I don’t know will even be worth it. I WANT ONE NOW!!!!! It was a ton of fun and I cannot wait to play again. I think I might have to go over to his place again tonight.

The promised update

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 16:28:14 -0500

Friday Critic joined me and my usual group of friends at the bar. This is the first time I’ve been around a lot of coworkers and a guy I’m sort-of-kind-of involved with together. I was nervous, but there was no reason to be, he was just one of the crowd. We went for dinner afterwards, and coffee after that. Then we called it a night.

Saturday I was having some friends over, but he and I were chatting on and off while I cleaned house and sat around. The chatting got naughtier and naughtier and we both ended up getting off to chat on Saturday and again Sunday morning.

Sunday I had chores, but told him that if I got done with all of them I could come over for a movie. I got them done! So I went to his place to watch Disney cartoons. We sat on the couch, bit by bit getting closer. Then I got a text that the hubs was back from his weekend away and I needed to head home for dinner. I got up to go and we finally kissed.

It wasn’t anything over the top exciting, but it was very nice. I think things will probably move much faster toward the physical from here. Unfortunately I won’t get to spend any alone time with him for about two weeks. Things could get interesting then though.

Nothing to see here, just totally normal people

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 14:21:36 -0500

Yesterday I got to go along with AW and family to a big local festival. I know he and his wife are open about their relationship with some friends, but I don’t know which ones. Because of that whenever I’m out with them I am just one of the friends along for the fun. Yesterday there was another couple and their family with us as well. Again, I have no idea if they know about AW and his wife, but seriously doubt they know I’m with AW.

It was a great day all around. I got to take some fantastic pictures (a hobby I don’t play with nearly enough). Every now and again though, someone would say something, or look at me a particular way, and there was this flash in AW’s eyes that I could tell meant he wanted to say something, but didn’t want to blow the whole normalcy illusion.

In other news, Critic and I are supposed to get together this Friday. We will probably meet for drinks, but I figure he will invite me back to his place this time for sure. I have no idea what will happen there, and just as little clue as to what I want to happen. I guess an update will be pending to share what happens.

Total miscommunication

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 15:00:19 -0500

So I told Critic that I was having to back off some of my online activities due to the partial in hiding I’ve gone into. He heard that I was settling in for monogamy as usual for the time being. We have been hanging out multiple times now under the assumption that neither was very into the other. Oooops! He has invited me over for drinks and a movie at an undetermined date, I’ve accepted, so things could get interesting.

I might be in hiding

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 14:16:44 -0600

Some new life stuff has meant that I have to back off and not be as out there with the open thing as I have been. Keep in mind that is a bit of a joke; I’ve always been very guarded and don’t put anything identifying online about my relationship status. But due to some new decisions I have had to shut down profiles on a couple of sites. I really do miss the random attention I would get from my dating site, and the info found on the other, but this is for the best, and only temporary at that.

In the same time frame, I’ve seen AW and his family a few times, hopefully I’ll see them again sometime this month as well. DJ and I look like we might be able to meet up for dinner/drinks/non-bedroom related fun later in April. I’ve got out for drinks with Critic a few times now, but neither of us has made a move beyond a hug. He is a really nice guy, but something just isn’t clicking. On one hand, he slightly reminds me of a guy I hated back where I used to live, but I’m not sure why I’m reminded of him. On the other hand, I keep feeling like there is something I’m just missing about him, maybe the signs are all out there that he is a homicidal maniac, but I can’t put my finger on it. We are getting along just fine as friends though, so I see no reason to not keep doing what I’m doing.

All of that being said, I could totally use some alone time with AW. I might need to make this happen.

Communication and a new guy

Mon, 14 Jan 2013 15:31:47 -0600

Shortly before New Year I saw a post on a forum page I frequent. The username of the post author looked familiar and upon looking into it, found that he was also on the same dating site as me. I realized checking out his profiles could look a little stalkery, so I sent him a message. That snowballed into conversation that has gone on pretty much daily since. We will call this one the Critic (he watches a lot of movies).

Conversation leading where it does, he wanted to meet up. In the past Hubbs has been really apprehensive about me meeting guys in town, but I think the fact that all of the locals I’ve met didn’t go well, and there was no after-drama, has calmed him to the idea. He said he was ok with it, so Saturday night the Critic and I met up for drinks. Despite the music being way too loud for such a small venue, we had a nice conversation. I’m always nervous about the next day and if I will hear from a guy again, but Sunday morning came around and he was online and struck up the conversation with me, we even met up and went for a walk in the afternoon.

He isn’t someone I felt an immediate attraction to, but he is really nice and definitely the kind of person that as I get to know him will either piss me off quickly, or we could become good friends. For now I’ll see where it goes.

As I was building up to meeting him I was talking to DJ about the situation. It strikes me as amusing how close I feel to him. We have spent so little time near each other, but chat every day. I do wish we could meet up for a little adult fun again, but since he is monogamous again, that is out of the question.

On the flip side, AW and I are very physical when we get time alone together, but talk so rarely in between. I almost feel guilty for even thinking about having a physical relationship and not telling AW about it, but we just don’t talk for it to be something I bring up. I guess this is just one of those tricky things to navigate, but I’m not sure exactly how I should. I guess things will just keep going as they have been, and an adjustment will be made if anything changes.

Happy 2013

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 10:46:49 -0600

A great big Happy New Year to everyone out there! At this risk of sounding crass, my night with AW was awesome! We sent 2012 off with a bang and welcomed 2013 in a similar fashion. It was so great to spend so much quality time with him. Aerobics aside, I was so happy to get to sleep curled up next to him.

Instead of focusing on what I hope to change in 2013, I want to take a darn good look at how 2012 was good to me. It was my first whole year identifying as polyamorous. I had started talking with AW in November 2011, and we met for the first time in February of 2012. I have enjoyed a full year of communication with him, and over half a year of physical closeness. He is wonderful and amazing, as is his wife and family. I always look forward to seeing all of them, and even more so the time I get alone with him. I’m currently working on plans for AW, his wife, hubbs, and me to go out for drinks later this month. It always seems like it should be weird to all hang out, but they are such a fun couple that it just fits.

2012 also brought me in contact with DJ. We started chatting in January 2012 (I think), and though we didn’t get many opportunities to actually hang out together before he and his wife went back to monogamy, the times we did have together were a lot of fun. Since the return to a more traditional marriage, he and I have remained friends, and I hope that will continue. The fact that I met his wife and family over lunch when I was in their neck of the woods seems to make that seem like a strong possibility.

I’m not saying 2012 was all great. There were issues on my end. There were a lot of failed meetings and contacts, but the year ended with a lot more happy than not. For that I am thankful and eager to see what 2013 has in store.

ourvaluedcustomers: To his friend… I see nothing wrong...

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 10:38:39 -0600

ourvaluedcustomers:

To his friend…

I see nothing wrong with that standard.

Ringing in the new year

Sun, 30 Dec 2012 23:17:21 -0600

I get to spend New Year’s Eve with AW! I have never been the type to do much for New Years, so this is a doubly fun thing for me. We had one set of plans, but have had to adjust them. I’m ok with it though because we didn’t have to cancel them! I’m a little giddy at the moment and might not sleep tonight out of anticipation for tomorrow. I guess that might be what energy drinks are for.

Still here

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 09:47:11 -0600

I’m still here, I just haven’t had much going on. I was falling into a bit of a depressive funk because I’ve been feeling lonely. I know that is a terrible thing to say since I do have such a great husband, but sometimes I just need interaction that isn’t with him. I’m not even saying romantic/sexual interaction, just anything really.

Well this past weekend I headed out of town to knock out my Christmas shopping in one fell swoop. I mentioned to AW that I would be in the area, but I’ve gotten tired of always being the one to initiate any interactions between us, so that was about all I told him. He suggested we meet up for dinner since he had afternoon plans and I was going to head back home that evening.

We had a great dinner! We got to just chat and catch up and I felt so much better about everything between us. I know he has been busy, but I wish he would make a little more effort to be in contact with me. After dinner I went with him to run an errand before getting on the road. We started talking about our holiday plans and he ended up inviting me to spend New Year’s Eve with him. I talked it over with the Hubbs and I think it might work out.

Now as excited as I am for Christmas and all the family time I’m going to get with it, I also get to look forward to a whole night with AW to myself on New Years. This could be a great start to an awesome year.

Yup, that weekend happened

Wed, 07 Nov 2012 16:48:39 -0600

Not much more exciting to say about it than that really. I met up with the new guy and we went out for drinks. A bit of advice for anyone paying on a date (I’m not saying this has to be something a guy does, I just think it goes for whoever is paying, even if you are splitting the ticket) don’t be a lousy tipper. I didn’t think much of it at the first place we went for drinks, but when we went out for food and I paid for half and threw in a generous tip (as I do when I get good service), he totally used what I put in for tip to cover some of his food. I was so embarrassed I made an excuse to go back in and leave more money. We definitely are not on the same personality level, so I’m not sure if friendship will even really be a thing with this guy.

I ended up meeting up with AW early to join him and the family for an interesting performance before we went off to see our play. We left my car at location one and he drove to the play. One the way back to my car after everything he starts talking about how much his eyes were hurting and he needed to go home to take his contacts out. I ended up sitting in my hotel room alone at 10 at night on a Saturday. I was completely bummed. I’m not sure if I’m being over reactionary, but I worry he is losing interest in me. It was the first time we got to be alone in months, and he called it a night early. I don’t know when the next time we will be able to see each other is, so I’m a bit hurt.

I did get to go to lunch with DJ and his family. It was my first time meeting the whole bunch, so it was fun. Also it is nice to just see him.

I guess since nothing went wrong I can call it a win of a weekend, but somehow I still feel very disappointed by the whole thing.

Big weekend ahead

Tue, 30 Oct 2012 10:56:33 -0500

I have got to come up with a better way to remember to update this thing!

Since my last update Anime and I are still chatting pretty regularly. He is a lot of fun to talk with, but I’m starting to wonder if my schedule will ever result in us being able to meet. LDG could not get on the same page with me on what kind of relationship we were looking for, and then he started being an ass about it, so I’ve dropped him completely.

DJ’s wife wanted to go back to monogamy, so he and I didn’t get to see each other during my last trip out of town. He and I are still remaining friends and I might actually get to meet up with him for lunch this coming weekend. I’m disappointed that I don’t get to have a physical relationship with him, but I’m content to keep him as a friend.

As always, my last trip to see AW put my in a good mood. Being around him just makes me feel better about life. He and I have not had a chance to have some alone time for a few months now, but this weekend we should get to. Even if I don’t get to be alone with him, spending time with him in general is good, and I like hanging out with his wife, so it always works out.

I have also been chatting with yet another new guy. I’m not sure what to call him on here yet, but I get to meet him face-to-face for the first time this Friday. We are meeting for drinks and to get to know each other. He is currently single, but into the poly lifestyle. We have had some good chats, and some where I worry we aren’t on the same emotional/intellectual level. I’m eager to see how our meeting goes and what, if any our connection is. I will probably remember to update on here after this weekend.

Another thing worth noting, November is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo for short) and there is a challenge through a website of that name to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. I’ve attempted it a few times, and was successful once. This year I’m going to try yet again, but my novel will be focused on a poly story. I might post things on here, but we will have to see how I feel about the work. Progress updates will show up here regardless.

I need a new title for updates

Sun, 23 Sep 2012 19:23:57 -0500

It has been a while, but I don’t feel like much has happened. I’ll be seeing AW this coming weekend. We will be hanging out at a party where not everyone knows the relationship, so it will just be nice time together. DJ might come to see me while I’m in the area, but he is supposed to give me an update on that tomorrow.

Anime and I have started chatting on a more regular basis. He is really nice to talk with, I’m hoping I’ll get the chance to meet him some time in October. The traveler is no longer in the picture. At his request I sent him a pic of me, he immediately signed offline and I haven’t heard from him since. It was quite the ego blow, but I’m trying not to take it too hard. LDG kept sending me apologetic messages after I put him on the ignore list. I gave in and met him last weekend. He was a nice guy, I’m not sure what to make of him since I didn’t get a strong feeling one way or the other with him. That may be a moot point since I haven’t heard from him much since our meeting.

I have been feeling pretty low today. Largely unrelated to any of the above updates, but I feel very alone here. I have my husband, but I really don’t feel like I have connected with anyone else in this city. Today Hubbs pissed me off and all I wanted to do was go hang with a friend to avoid him. When it hit me that I didn’t have anyone to go to or anywhere to go, I just started feeling miserable. I’m still pretty down, but trying to be excited about a concert I get to go to tomorrow and seeing AW (and maybe DJ) next weekend.

Am I a sponge?

Tue, 28 Aug 2012 14:43:52 -0500

I’ve been talking to DJ, Anime, and Traveler today. Each of them seems to want something very different; DJ wants a relationship, Anime wants a partner in exploration somewhere between friend and relationship, and Traveler wants a sub. I enjoy/want to be each of those for them.

It just occurred to me that there really isn’t a relationship style I want out of polyamory, I seem to be more interested in going along with what others want. This isn’t to say that I’m completely opinion free; there have been guys I’ve talked to that I didn’t feel any sort of connection with, or just wasn’t feeling the happy reciprocal feelings with. But these three guys all seem to be looking for very different things and I feel a connection to each one. At the same time I’m very happy with my mostly vanilla relationship with Hubs, and my very vanilla relationship with AW. I feel like I just happily absorb the energy being put off by guys I feel a connection with, like a sponge.

Is being a sponge a thing? Are there others who feel like this as well?

To submit or not

Mon, 27 Aug 2012 07:06:44 -0500

I’m continuously amused by the waves of attention I get on the dating site I’m on. I will go for a couple of months and not hear from anyone, then I’ll get 5 new messages in the span of a week or two. Currently I seem to be in the middle of a wave; this includes Teacher (haven’t heard from him in a week), Anime (chatting more and more regularly, he seems really neat), and last week I got a message from a new guy we will call Traveler.

Traveler isn’t from here, nor does he even live all that close to my area, however he does travel to my region frequently for work. We have been chatting quite a bit, but the talks almost always quickly turn sexual. He seems eager to move things along, but I feel in no rush and have let him know. The thing we regularly come to is his want to dominate me. He doesn’t sound like he has a lot of experience in this (which I am pretty ok with), but it is definitely a drive he has. I’m not sure where I am on the whole thing though. I’ve thought about submission before, and I’ll admit there is a very comforting thought to the idea. I’m always so stressed that the thought of being able to just relinquish all power and control to someone else sounds very calming. On the other hand I’m loud, opinionated and kind of like being in control in most situations. Not to say I would ever be the dominating type, but I’m not sure I’d be a good sub.

All of this is just theoretical as of now. We have exchanged names, but I haven’t shared a picture of myself yet. He was in the area last week, but has gone home. Today he will find out if he is coming back to my area this week or next. If it is this week, I probably won’t meet him because I have a lot going on, but if he is coming to town next week, I might suggest he and I meet up for a drink. So many things to think about.

A whole lot of nothing, or something

Sat, 18 Aug 2012 11:17:03 -0500

The last couple of weeks have been interesting. I’ve been moderately under the weather for most of it, and am just now starting to feel like myself again. That being said, it has still been an interesting couple of weeks. Let’s do a breakdown:

Work: It is probably my second busiest time of year right now. I say probably because I haven’t been in the job for a full year yet, but I’m expecting November to be a little busier than I have been recently. The next couple of weeks should continue the insanity.

Dating:
AW: I haven’t heard much from AW, but in the last few months I never really do. We have a great time when we are together, but when we aren’t I just don’t hear from him.
DJ: DJ and I continue to chat almost daily, I don’t know what will happen with us. We’ve discussed meeting up in September, but things still seem to be on track for him to go back to monogamy in October.
LDG: LDG was a bit of a dick to me online a bit ago, so I blocked him after letting him know he was being rude. Last night he messages me to ask if he has somehow offended me. I did respond to say that I found him very off-putting in our last chat, and didn’t really say much more. I think I’m done with any interest in him.
Teacher: I got a message from a new guy early this week. He is Bi and Poly, it sounds like a lot, but I’m not one to dismiss someone until I have good reason. We went back and forth with conversation for a few days, but now I haven’t heard from him in a couple. It is the beginning of the school year, so I know he is probably busy. We will see what happens there.
Anime: Maybe a week or so ago this guy showed up in my matches on the dating site. I checked out his profile, and he sounded interesting, however I do not send the first message. I’m sure that is dumb, but I have had better luck with guys who start conversations with me. He did message me the other day and we have gone back and forth a few times. He seems really nice, but he lives out of town in a direction I don’t usually go, so we will have to wait and see.

Home: Hubbs and I have been having some minor issues of late. The being under the weather was not a good starting point, and combined with the fear that the girl he has been seeing might be going into monogamy mode with her new girlfriend has him a little on edge. He has also been in a bad mood because we haven’t made a lot of friends in this city, and the one couple that we were hanging out with has moved away. There is another couple we have spent time with before, but they aren’t exactly a good match friend-wise, so that has Hubbs upset as well.

Then there is an issue we are having; I don’t like living in this city, but I refuse to just sit around the house and be miserable, so I have things I do a couple of nights a week. Then there is the fact that I like to have some alone time, in my house ever now and again. A month or so ago I discussed this with Hubbs, he decided he would give me one evening a week to be home alone. Since he decided this he has been a bit of a jerk about me wanting time to myself. This week we had a full on blow up about it and I’m still a little mad at him about it. I don’t know what this will mean for any alone time, but I’ve already let him know that him bitching about giving me alone time is harder on me than me being stressed because I haven’t had any alone time.

I feel like there is a lot going on, but at the same time there really just isn’t that much happening.