A Social Deviant

Happy 2013

A great big Happy New Year to everyone out there! At this risk of sounding crass, my night with AW was awesome! We sent 2012 off with a bang and welcomed 2013 in a similar fashion. It was so great to spend so much quality time with him. Aerobics aside, I was so happy to get to sleep curled up next to him.

Instead of focusing on what I hope to change in 2013, I want to take a darn good look at how 2012 was good to me. It was my first whole year identifying as polyamorous. I had started talking with AW in November 2011, and we met for the first time in February of 2012. I have enjoyed a full year of communication with him, and over half a year of physical closeness. He is wonderful and amazing, as is his wife and family. I always look forward to seeing all of them, and even more so the time I get alone with him. I’m currently working on plans for AW, his wife, hubbs, and me to go out for drinks later this month. It always seems like it should be weird to all hang out, but they are such a fun couple that it just fits.

2012 also brought me in contact with DJ. We started chatting in January 2012 (I think), and though we didn’t get many opportunities to actually hang out together before he and his wife went back to monogamy, the times we did have together were a lot of fun. Since the return to a more traditional marriage, he and I have remained friends, and I hope that will continue. The fact that I met his wife and family over lunch when I was in their neck of the woods seems to make that seem like a strong possibility.

I’m not saying 2012 was all great. There were issues on my end. There were a lot of failed meetings and contacts, but the year ended with a lot more happy than not. For that I am thankful and eager to see what 2013 has in store.

Ringing in the new year

I get to spend New Year’s Eve with AW! I have never been the type to do much for New Years, so this is a doubly fun thing for me. We had one set of plans, but have had to adjust them. I’m ok with it though because we didn’t have to cancel them! I’m a little giddy at the moment and might not sleep tonight out of anticipation for tomorrow. I guess that might be what energy drinks are for.

Still here

I’m still here, I just haven’t had much going on. I was falling into a bit of a depressive funk because I’ve been feeling lonely. I know that is a terrible thing to say since I do have such a great husband, but sometimes I just need interaction that isn’t with him. I’m not even saying romantic/sexual interaction, just anything really.

Well this past weekend I headed out of town to knock out my Christmas shopping in one fell swoop. I mentioned to AW that I would be in the area, but I’ve gotten tired of always being the one to initiate any interactions between us, so that was about all I told him. He suggested we meet up for dinner since he had afternoon plans and I was going to head back home that evening.

We had a great dinner! We got to just chat and catch up and I felt so much better about everything between us. I know he has been busy, but I wish he would make a little more effort to be in contact with me. After dinner I went with him to run an errand before getting on the road. We started talking about our holiday plans and he ended up inviting me to spend New Year’s Eve with him. I talked it over with the Hubbs and I think it might work out.

Now as excited as I am for Christmas and all the family time I’m going to get with it, I also get to look forward to a whole night with AW to myself on New Years. This could be a great start to an awesome year.

Yup, that weekend happened

Not much more exciting to say about it than that really. I met up with the new guy and we went out for drinks. A bit of advice for anyone paying on a date (I’m not saying this has to be something a guy does, I just think it goes for whoever is paying, even if you are splitting the ticket) don’t be a lousy tipper. I didn’t think much of it at the first place we went for drinks, but when we went out for food and I paid for half and threw in a generous tip (as I do when I get good service), he totally used what I put in for tip to cover some of his food. I was so embarrassed I made an excuse to go back in and leave more money. We definitely are not on the same personality level, so I’m not sure if friendship will even really be a thing with this guy.

I ended up meeting up with AW early to join him and the family for an interesting performance before we went off to see our play. We left my car at location one and he drove to the play. One the way back to my car after everything he starts talking about how much his eyes were hurting and he needed to go home to take his contacts out. I ended up sitting in my hotel room alone at 10 at night on a Saturday. I was completely bummed. I’m not sure if I’m being over reactionary, but I worry he is losing interest in me. It was the first time we got to be alone in months, and he called it a night early. I don’t know when the next time we will be able to see each other is, so I’m a bit hurt.

I did get to go to lunch with DJ and his family. It was my first time meeting the whole bunch, so it was fun. Also it is nice to just see him.

I guess since nothing went wrong I can call it a win of a weekend, but somehow I still feel very disappointed by the whole thing.

I need a new title for updates

It has been a while, but I don’t feel like much has happened. I’ll be seeing AW this coming weekend. We will be hanging out at a party where not everyone knows the relationship, so it will just be nice time together. DJ might come to see me while I’m in the area, but he is supposed to give me an update on that tomorrow.

Anime and I have started chatting on a more regular basis. He is really nice to talk with, I’m hoping I’ll get the chance to meet him some time in October. The traveler is no longer in the picture. At his request I sent him a pic of me, he immediately signed offline and I haven’t heard from him since. It was quite the ego blow, but I’m trying not to take it too hard. LDG kept sending me apologetic messages after I put him on the ignore list. I gave in and met him last weekend. He was a nice guy, I’m not sure what to make of him since I didn’t get a strong feeling one way or the other with him. That may be a moot point since I haven’t heard from him much since our meeting.

I have been feeling pretty low today. Largely unrelated to any of the above updates, but I feel very alone here. I have my husband, but I really don’t feel like I have connected with anyone else in this city. Today Hubbs pissed me off and all I wanted to do was go hang with a friend to avoid him. When it hit me that I didn’t have anyone to go to or anywhere to go, I just started feeling miserable. I’m still pretty down, but trying to be excited about a concert I get to go to tomorrow and seeing AW (and maybe DJ) next weekend.

A whole lot of nothing, or something

The last couple of weeks have been interesting. I’ve been moderately under the weather for most of it, and am just now starting to feel like myself again. That being said, it has still been an interesting couple of weeks. Let’s do a breakdown:

Work: It is probably my second busiest time of year right now. I say probably because I haven’t been in the job for a full year yet, but I’m expecting November to be a little busier than I have been recently. The next couple of weeks should continue the insanity.

Dating:
AW: I haven’t heard much from AW, but in the last few months I never really do. We have a great time when we are together, but when we aren’t I just don’t hear from him.
DJ: DJ and I continue to chat almost daily, I don’t know what will happen with us. We’ve discussed meeting up in September, but things still seem to be on track for him to go back to monogamy in October. 
LDG: LDG was a bit of a dick to me online a bit ago, so I blocked him after letting him know he was being rude. Last night he messages me to ask if he has somehow offended me. I did respond to say that I found him very off-putting in our last chat, and didn’t really say much more. I think I’m done with any interest in him.
Teacher: I got a message from a new guy early this week. He is Bi and Poly, it sounds like a lot, but I’m not one to dismiss someone until I have good reason. We went back and forth with conversation for a few days, but now I haven’t heard from him in a couple. It is the beginning of the school year, so I know he is probably busy. We will see what happens there.
Anime: Maybe a week or so ago this guy showed up in my matches on the dating site. I checked out his profile, and he sounded interesting, however I do not send the first message. I’m sure that is dumb, but I have had better luck with guys who start conversations with me. He did message me the other day and we have gone back and forth a few times. He seems really nice, but he lives out of town in a direction I don’t usually go, so we will have to wait and see.

Home: Hubbs and I have been having some minor issues of late. The being under the weather was not a good starting point, and combined with the fear that the girl he has been seeing might be going into monogamy mode with her new girlfriend has him a little on edge. He has also been in a bad mood because we haven’t made a lot of friends in this city, and the one couple that we were hanging out with has moved away. There is another couple we have spent time with before, but they aren’t exactly a good match friend-wise, so that has Hubbs upset as well.

Then there is an issue we are having; I don’t like living in this city, but I refuse to just sit around the house and be miserable, so I have things I do a couple of nights a week. Then there is the fact that I like to have some alone time, in my house ever now and again. A month or so ago I discussed this with Hubbs, he decided he would give me one evening a week to be home alone. Since he decided this he has been a bit of a jerk about me wanting time to myself. This week we had a full on blow up about it and I’m still a little mad at him about it. I don’t know what this will mean for any alone time, but I’ve already let him know that him bitching about giving me alone time is harder on me than me being stressed because I haven’t had any alone time.

I feel like there is a lot going on, but at the same time there really just isn’t that much happening.

A blast from the past

Oh what a weekend! I went to visit my parents since I didn’t make it there for Father’s day, and my dad’s birthday was also last week. I went to a couple of baseball games with him and my mom, did some shopping with mom, and since AW is out of town, I hung out with friends I hadn’t seen in a while.

After grabbing lunch with one of them, I went to a liquor store to pick up some beer to take back to her place for more hanging out. While in the store I ran into my high school boyfriend. 

The back story here is that I didn’t date until I was about 17. It wasn’t that I was afraid or not allowed to, the opportunity just hadn’t arisen. A guy I had been friends with through my junior year of school and I started seeing each other that summer (he had just graduated) and through the next two years. He was my first boyfriend, and as teenage relationships go, my friends didn’t ever really like him, but tolerated his constant presence.

After about two years I broke up with him, he was rather emotionally abusive and had issue with the fact that I had gone to college in another city. Since I didn’t have a car the only way for us to spend time together was for him to come see me. He also seemed to resent me for spending a fair bit of time studying and developing a social life with new college friends.

Shortly after the breakup I started dating the guy who would become Hubs, but EX and I still managed to keep running into each other every few years. We would catch up, I would realize that despite everything we had talked about doing, he still wasn’t doing anything with his life. (Side note here. He was working dead-end jobs and talking about school, but never doing anything about either. I find nothing wrong with people who like working retail and have no wants to go into higher education. I had issue with people who do nothing but complain about their place in life when they have repeatedly passed up opportunities to do more) The last time he and I saw each other was 7 years ago and any last contact between us was about 5 ago when I emailed him to let him know a mutual friend had died. He never responded to that email.

So back to this past weekend. I ran into EX at the liquor store and we did the catch up thing, he commented on my hair which had been very long when he last saw me, but I have had short for about 5 years now. Things got a little awkward when he asked what Hubs and I were doing these days, I told him about all of our employment and basic success in life, not meaning to sound gloating or anything. He told me about his temp job. Then somehow he managed to bring up the fact that he is dating someone and told me that she was the jealous type and might be unhappy at him seeing me. This struck me as odd given that we broke up about 12 years ago. Then he wanted to point out that it was funny that she and I have the same first name, then listed off all the girls he has dated since me (I think the point was that he keeps dating girls with the same names).

I was kind of weirded out and let him know that I had to go meet up with my friend. We went our separate ways, and I have been a little weirded out ever since. When he brought up the jealousy thing I almost wanted to throw out there that Hubs and I don’t have anything like that, to the point of mentioning the open thing. I know it would have been very petty and low, but he did make my life miserable for a while, and I kind of wanted to mess with him. 

Have you ever used your non-monogamy as a weapon to make someone jealous/uncomfortable? It is wrong to do so?

Just a little bit of bragging

This is just me being happy today. I started my week with the goal of working out for at least 30 minutes on 5 days this week. Despite the fact that when my alarm clock went off this morning I thought really hard about setting it for an hour later and sleeping some more, I didn’t do it. I got up, got dressed and went to the gym. That means that I have accomplished my goal for the week and I still have Saturday and Sunday to go!

I might not go to the gym, but I think the next two, if not three, evenings will find me taking the dog for a walk. YAY FOR MINOR FEELINGS OF ACCOMPLISHMENT!!!!! 

(Almost) Awkward Moments

This happened yesterday afternoon, and I just have to share. I have done most of my looking for potential friends/relationships/partners on OK Cupid. They have a site that is very friendly to those in open/poly relationships. I usually search for matches in a not terribly distant, but significantly larger city than I currently live in, mostly because I find myself a better match with people in that city, and because I travel there pretty regularly.

So yesterday I was searching around on the site, just out of curiosity. I came across a profile that the site claimed had a 98% match to mine. I’m always intrigued by who the site says I should like, so I started reading the profile. His picture looked familiar, but I’m not very good with faces, so I couldn’t place him. His profile was well written and amusing. I thought this might be the kind of person I would send a message to, just for the sake of conversation. Then he mentioned his wife by name. It was like a light bulb switched on over my head; I was looking at the profile of my college roommate’s then boyfriend/now husband.

Some minor internet browsing/snooping later I found her on the site as well. It isn’t that this is the first I have seen of my roommate since shortly after college. The awkward comes in at the fact that she and I ended pretty badly, and I had never liked her boyfriend. Right now I’m hoping he does not recognize me from anything stated on my profile (I don’t have a picture up to be identified by). It wouldn’t be the end of the world if I heard from either of them, but I have no intention of attempting friendship with them again.

On a completely different note, I did it! I got up early this morning and I went to the gym. I think that first step is always the hardest. Moving beyond the “I’ll do it later/tomorrow/next week,” is the toughest step. I have taken that step and am ready to continue on this path!

An Introduction

Hi,

You can call me Anna. It isn’t really my name, but for the sake of this blog I will be Anna Polly. Why that name? I thought it was an amusing enough shortened version of Anonymous Polyamorous Chick, I might have also had the Incubus song “Anna Molly” stuck in my head when I was thinking of a name. I feel the order of titles is the important part in the name; first and foremost I am anonymous. I feel like I blend into the background and am more random spectator in most situations, rather than active lead participant. I’m quite content with that role in life. I enjoy being able to watch all of the goings on and be entertained by what I see.

The polyamorous part is a newer thing in my life. For those who aren’t familiar with the term, it basically means that I am open to having more than one romantic relationship in my life. About a year ago, after 8 years of marriage, I informed my husband that I wanted to start seeing other people. He was very open to the idea, which came as a surprise and a relief to me. Since then we have each had the opportunity to explore some new things, and have been enjoying the new learning experience.

Currently I am seeing a guy in another city not too far away. We met on an online dating site, started talking in December, started dating in February, and have had a lot of fun so far. He is a great guy, I really enjoy spending time with him, but at the end of a weekend, I really like coming home to my husband.

More than anything I’m going to maintain this blog as a means of self exploration. I want a place to keep track of my explorations into a polyamorous lifestyle as well other things going on in my life. I’m about to start a new workout routine with the goal of dropping a few pant sizes. I really do not like my job right now and plan on looking for a new one in the next few months as well. I’m also not terribly fond of the city I’m living in, so I travel as often as possible. There is so much going on in my life that I’m afraid if I don’t write it down somewhere I’ll forget some of the better details.

I’m a pretty open person, so I encourage any feedback from anyone who stumbles across this and has a comment or question. I hope you will enjoy my musings and I look forward to sharing my experiences.